.

2011-10-13T16:02:00.002+13:00

been away for a long, long time. so many things have happened which i believe has shape and colour me for the better. i am mostly contented these days.. =) will come back for more updates as god knows just how much i do love writing.

away

2011-03-09T22:19:00.001+13:00

i dont wanna go home. am just not ready. not yet.

What IF...

2011-01-18T00:32:00.002+13:00

... am making a mistake? and that everybody else is right, all along? and that ive been blinded by silly wants..obscuring the sensible rationality..... i backtrack?or try to retrace my steps back..but its all too late now?

unfaded. you.

2010-12-30T03:18:00.003+13:00

1. yesterday, i made myself a bowl of chicken porridge. the last time i had porridge was a few months ago, with you feeding me spoonfuls of them. you were like a little boy, proud of your creation as you presented to me your first homemade dish. do you know that yesterday, as i stirred my own porridge on the stove, i thought of you? 2. glorious boxing day sales - throngs of shoppers at the mall,

it's okay.

2010-12-15T12:37:00.003+13:00

'Oh wow. how could you survive six years in medical school not knowing the existence of N****' she exclaimed, bewildered as i tightly grasped the box in my hand. i studied the box carefully - they weren't prescription meds but still came on a tiny box labelled with the standard warnings that all medications came with. i inspected the round magical pills in awe - for these were the quick fix, the

glass ball.

2010-12-06T12:20:00.003+13:00

it is damn easy to feel demotivated. the past few months, a lot of things had happened - even though admittedly most of the stuffs happening, i didnt truly understand of the whys and the 'how could' they had happened. but i supposed as much as things happening for a reason, i might have, in some ways be a driver in making these things happening too. Huh. things have changed. and maybe, so am i.

hrm

2010-11-21T00:08:00.002+13:00

am back. back at my second home. life is really full of surprises - unfortunately, not all are welcoming ones. the best mantra for today onwards is: to hang on tight.

eye candies.!!

2010-08-06T16:45:00.004+12:00

today is Black day - as everybody adorned their best black outfits to work. to the morbid thinker, it seemed like we were a bunch of funeral-goers today - if it was not for the excited cheer and chatter. the glass door to Paeds Department handpainted with the national fern enblem, akin to the ones painted on several smily cheeks. past ten-thirty, kids and moms alike lined the corridor with

glue-d.

2010-08-04T18:44:00.004+12:00

today's lunchtime conversations were abuzzed with jobs allocations - of where people end up working next year. job applications had been in nearly two months ago and the employers had made their choice of employees - and everyone who were in the first match scheme had been offered a job. and that's about everyone that i know and see everyday, the locals. whereas i, an international student, will

junk. junk. junk.

2010-07-24T18:10:00.003+12:00

judging from my somewhat insatiable appetite and incessant cravings for junk food lately, i think i am stressed out. >.< argh!! over the years of studying and stressing abroad here, i have a crazy love-and-hate relationship with food. at times, i crave to munch on something while working on assignments. other times, i couldnt stand the thought of food and throw up when i am super stressed out.

so whats the matter?

2010-07-19T16:58:00.003+12:00

i am currently at a point in time whereby i am just oh-so-over medschool. :S time crawls by too slowly when i just want to kick and prod it to swift by faster.. even though i have a surgical project, two presentations and another assignment to finish pretty soon.. hrm. maybe, i am just getting tired even though its not the time yet. pretty soon it will be, but not yet ... and yet, i cant shake

m backkkk!! =D

2010-07-17T09:54:00.007+12:00

yay. m back in christchurch!! although i have fallen in love with the idea of working in smaller hospitals in rural areas, i miss being here. sleeping in, last minute movie plans, shopping trips, eat-outs, gatherings, boardgames - thats what my weekends have been about (apart from the sad weekends when i am stranded in hospital doing admissions). there shall be more of the eat-outs activities

Hrm.

2010-07-13T20:44:00.005+12:00

three more nights in this cramped space, then il be back in christchurch. as much as ive enjoyed my time here, i am aching to be back in the familiar folds of brockworth place, with tv and wii and dvds and homecooked meals and unlimited broadband. but really, i can survive on junkfood and fruits and paying horrendous bill for my vodafone stick now - what i really am missing is them, company.two

smell the fresh air, will ya

2010-07-09T19:55:00.005+12:00

ive always considered myself to be the happiest amidst concrete jungle, dancing traffic lights and throngs of streetwalkers. lost in the urgency of the moment where everyone is in a hurry to reach their destination, and every face is a hazy blur of a stranger. fast-paced spells efficient, and less time for dilly dallying on unnecessary things. ive always love Christchurch - it’s a big enough city

fly

2010-06-21T11:15:00.006+12:00

almost three years and we had came a long way. almost goodbyes time now and yet we are more like strangers than we were few years ago.i remember you from my first year of university life, almost six years ago - that small asian girl who always had a smile plastered on her face. that cheery someone who lived just next door to my residential hall. i didnt know you well back then. you were just one

dissed. pissed.

2010-06-14T21:42:00.005+12:00

today, i am very angry. prejudice and stupidity goes hand in hand. you are prejudiced and you are stupidly ignorant, disrespecting others whom you regard as aliens, strangers, the weirdos, in your supposedly immaculate world. Hah. immaculate bullshit la, your insolence is tainting this rose-tinted glasses i wear everyday in this world - in which tonight i am desperately clawing for answers to my

J

2010-06-02T10:46:00.003+12:00

ah. you are too nice, i'd hate to disappoint you. if things are going well, i know that it will be as much your effort as it is mine. if i am going to do this right, i know that i am doing it for you. Pray to Allah for HIS countless blessings, of which, one of them is you.

ah. the bear story!!

2010-05-25T18:10:00.005+12:00

it probably doesnt matter now, but i still want to permanently etch this somewhat unpleasant 'bear' experience in this blog. interpersonal relationship is important, no matter where you are or where you end up working. unfortunately, most of the time, we are not fortunate enough to be able to choose who we want to work with. a few weeks ago, i was ground to a pulp by a bear who squeezed every

less than perfect.

2010-05-13T20:25:00.004+12:00

felt helpless. frustrated. so many things, too many things. limited time. going round and round. limited memory. or maybe, tiredness just seep in too early. premature fatigue? hrm. coffee is a joke. throbbing head. migrainous. again. why at this time? stupid choice of time aint it? need to concentrate. but on what? you dont know what you dont know till the time comes. what a conundrum. read

its time to eat!!

2010-05-11T21:12:00.003+12:00

am currently busy eating bluebook with the sole purpose to purge magical gems next week on my long case viva exam. heard from people that verbal diarrhoea for the said viva exam has significant higher rates of passing than becoming an utterly confused, mute person. is currently on page 153 of the said book and am feeling full =S i really need bigger appetite to down this bluebook and a few other

five minutes

2010-05-08T20:50:00.005+12:00

twenty four years and i learn that simply, you can either be five minutes late or five minutes early. back in brunei, my sister has watches that are all fast-forwarded to five minutes early, and i used to scorn at her how silly practice that is. why deliberately make your watches and clocks faster when you know the rest of the world is opearating at five minutes later than you. right? the past

mister king.

2010-04-26T15:53:00.005+12:00

lemme introduce you to a new addition of brockworth family.. his name is monyok (no, actually, friends have been giving him a super glamorous name 'roxy teacup' - but due to his funny 'm-not-amused' expression, i still insist on calling him monyok. haha!)we chanced upon this poor creature one summer day, roaming along the street. no one knew how it started, but he kept on frequenting our vicinity

thinking of tomorrow..

2010-04-25T09:28:00.004+12:00

A few days ago, I was in a small room without a window. The problem with sitting in a windowless room is you cant let your mind run at the expansive green grounds of the outside world. Smacked sitting in a tight circle, minding my own business when the consultant asked that difficult question again. “Where are you going to work?” Went around the circle, I was somewhat relieved that I was not the

shortie

2010-04-21T21:12:00.003+12:00

ah.. so many things to update!! fret not.. will come back posting sometime soon.. a little bit busy these days, fourth week and i am only in the middle of my general medicine run. =__=" anyways. just a picture for now to show what ive been up to when i am not running around in the hospital. Heh. been frequenting cafes and restaurants these past few weeks as if cash is in an endless supply. oh boy

Sshhh..

2010-04-03T11:49:00.003+13:00

is currently hiding in the corner of the computer lab in med school whilst silently praying that my pager wont go off.. huhu. ive drawn a shorter straw on luck, hence me turning up for acutes during easter public holidays >.< sigh. so far, things have been quiet this morning and i havent anything to do in the wards.. maybe things will perk up later? ah. half of me wishing that people will stay

ntah la....

2010-03-28T21:35:00.003+13:00

i dont know what i want. maybe its the ease of talking to that person that i seek, that easy conversation when i can be as honest as i can be. or maybe its the familiarity that i long for, that sense of security that has enveloped me over some time knowing that we've known each other's mould and i dont have to seek for a different container to fit in. or maybe i am just being stupid, that is all.

unlike another

2010-03-25T23:22:00.005+13:00

woke up to the sound of shower tap being turned on this morning, which jolted me awake because i knew, right then, that i was running late. a frantic start to the morning, which included a mad dash to find my team for wardrounds before attending a busy colposcopy clinic. in fact, my morning was actually pretty similar to my other mornings of the week - occassional persistent lazy eyelids which

so i read.

2010-03-23T21:01:00.007+13:00

if you are a maths genius, i will tell you that my blog posts are inversely proportional to my stress level. i have a huge propensity for distracting myself with frivolous things at times of increased cortisol level - like tonight, i am supposed to research some studies and critically appraise them for my presentation tomorrow. but really, m having a lot more fun talking with my flatmates as they

are you the judge?

2010-03-21T16:44:00.006+13:00

i've wanted to write about this that night when it happened, but i was far too tired to type up a decent sentence. and the days following it had been filled with hoards of activities and tasks that left little opportunity for me to spare another thought. not too often, i found myself confronted by absurd prejudice. you'd think learning ethics as part of the education system over here and the

aged

2010-03-20T21:00:00.006+13:00

Almost a month since i am back here, back to the life thats becoming so familiar over the past few years; where hospital becomes the epicentre of living with only occassional lucky weekends that are free for roaming other parts of the city. so far, i have been tremendously lucky actually, 4 weekends have passed and ive only spent one of them cooped up indoors, waiting on women in labour. So yes,

eyes

2010-02-28T01:42:00.003+13:00

the third night and i still cant sleep at appropriate time.. its two in the morning right now but i am still as wide awake as an owl. tried drinking a glass of milk a few hours ago which induced a few yawns but still, not sleepy! haihs >.< i need to reset my body clock asap otherwise i will be a walking zombie this monday! huhu

just random thoughts...

2010-02-16T21:25:00.003+13:00

- the other day, i was told. finally. so i knew. i had some questions in my mind though. but i couldnt utter them or choke back a question. because, who am i anyway? plus, i dont feel that its my place to ask. - actually, m mildly irritated even though i am trying to swat it off me. i wonder to myself, why do i feel even slightly annoyed anyway? i keep on telling myself that i have a lot of

windy wellington

2010-02-13T20:46:00.004+13:00

Early this year, I had flown to Wellington after a stern persuasion from a caring friend to come early to NZ. Made some last minute changes to my travel arrangements and finally I arrived at Diyana’s doorsteps. Thanks Diyana for having me around, you’ve been a wonderful host! Being in wellington had filled me with that tense apprehension, knowing that my days were numbered till that fateful 28th

a start.

2010-02-13T20:09:00.004+13:00

wow. a few weeks offline found me looking at some 60 new emails at my studentmail inbox. apparently, my university enrolment is still pending for some reasons and the administrator been frantic emailing me with the details. Heh. -__-" ive just emailed her hoping my reply is suffice, till I see her back in nz. apart from that, i've been made to switch group for my intern year. so, this march i

sunday

2010-02-12T01:25:00.002+13:00

today is a sunday, just like how it was a sunday yesterday. lately i have been living in a world where everyday is a sunday - that i actually have a hard time recalling what day it is in the real world. not that i am really complaining because ive been living on mondays the whole year round back in new zealand.despite that, i do have a lot of things that need to be done before i leave, including

two-one

2010-02-10T15:50:00.004+13:00

today, someone woke up from the wrong side of his bed and made it his priority of the day to annoy me on-end. conversations initially filled with semi-intellectual discussions of english language - the reason why i was engaged in these conversations in the first place i didnt know since i am neither a linguist expert nor taking an english major - but i found myself drawn in the talks before

final say

2010-02-06T15:51:00.004+13:00

Do you know what disappointment feels like? I had a fair share of disappointment last year that I could succinctly describe that familiar feeling of being let down and crestfallen. Disappointment debilitated and aroused nerve endings at the same time – it was such a bizarre situation to be in, alternating between feeling numbed out and hollow for one instance to feeling overtly aware of the

finally...

2010-02-03T03:59:00.005+13:00

So the year 2009 has finally left me. It has been a long winding tortuous year, full of little snippets of life and drama – I don’t even know where to begin this post. I had began my year with a cupful of optimism and positive spirits, falsely thinking at that time that the year was just going to breeze by quickly. Heck, my early weeks of the year had gone so fast, too fast that I had a hard time

...

2009-11-13T20:16:00.002+13:00

right now, i just want to crawl deep inside a cave where there is no mirror, not even a tiny mirror that can reside inside a pocket. in fact, when i crawl into the said cave, i dont even want to wear an outfit that has pockets. unless the pocket is large enough to engulf me inside it, so that i can lie quietly, hidden, in a foetal position like a baby. i think i will be content left on my own,

gone

2009-10-21T09:39:00.003+13:00

i know what i want and i know what i dont. there are things that do matter, things that dont matter and even things that eventually cease themselves to matter. i am starting to see that its tiring, that sense of dejavu is tugging me down and really, i dont need this. at last, it eventually boils down to sorting out my priorities - of whats important and whats not. i have spent weeks upon weeks

cram

2009-10-09T22:17:00.003+13:00

days flash by too quickly these days and am finding myself grovelling for that quiet serenity and calmer moments when i could just plop down on my beanbag couch and watch seconds tick by on my clock. things have been ... on the rough patch - but i do believe that now, right now, i am perfectly content with me and my life. learnt a lot of lessons the past few months that i sure hope will make me

Raya!!

2009-09-20T00:58:00.004+12:00

So, we are not having raya celebration tomorrow.. which is funny.. from what ive heard, christchurch is pretty much divided on the whole thing - a few hours ago, i heard that some community is still going to head over to the islamic centre for eid prayers tomorrow morning... some intense discussions later, my whole house decided to follow the official fianz website - which is to celebrate eid on

to you.

2009-09-20T00:55:00.001+12:00

Change upon changeby Elizabeth B BrowningFive months ago the stream did flow,The lilies bloomed within the sedge,And we were lingering to and fro,Where none will track thee in this snow,Along the stream, beside the hedge.Ah, Sweet, be free to love and go!For if I do not hear thy foot,The frozen river is as mute,The flowers have dried down to the root:And why, since these be changed since May,

games.

2009-09-08T22:46:00.002+12:00

ive said it before and il say it again. we are not living in a playground, and i am not a doll that you can pick up and abscond just at anytime you like. you throw me away and then pick me up eons later - but i am not a ball that bounce back to you like a schoolboy playing basketball. i bruise, i hurt, i confuse. one moment we are chess pieces, you made your move, you conquer my queen before i

sigh.

2009-09-01T22:13:00.003+12:00

ah.. it is a day like today that makes me miss you - but i cant give in, i mustn't. there are lots of things in my hands and i just cant and dont have the time to grasp the thoughts of you. plus, my ego wont let me be the one to make the first move. sigh. =S

flop

2009-08-25T23:17:00.003+12:00

i was gonna blog days ago, but i changed my mind just minutes before exploding verbal diarrhoea full of frustrations and qualms of the past weeks. waiting for an answer had been such a bitch. but today, when my apprehension had materialized to a reality, i realized that i could no longer feel a slight remorse within me. maybe, ive exhausted my tears. maybe, ive exhausted my emotions so much that

sob

2009-08-14T15:32:00.001+12:00

suffice to say, m unhappy. m holding my breath out till i find out more. pray.

thread.

2009-08-10T18:36:00.003+12:00

the fastidious rule is to sit as close as possible to the door. thats the pearl of wisdom dispel by the course convenor during this morning orientation. its my first day of psychiatry - and although ive had a slight exposure to psych wards last year while in PMH, theres no doubt that this year's attachment promises more patient contacts time with mentally-disturbed individuals. m excited and at

getting on with the program.

2009-08-08T14:24:00.004+12:00

i know what i want and i want what i need. one too many maybes and we all get too poetical. why the dichotomy and the discordant? why does it have to be so many stories and drama? twenty three years gracing this earth should have told us both that we are not living in a theatrical drama, where everything is scripted and plotted. life is not a stage where i am just playing a part, and nor it is a

of boobs and bums.

2009-08-07T20:51:00.003+12:00

just came up to my room after watching America's Next Top Model. Had a rather interesting albeit short conversation with G just before he left for a cocktails party.Nuruliza: ive just came up from watching americas next top model. hahahah. g:i was watching a lilttle bit of that toofor the girls lolNuruliza:ahahahha. i know u r checking out the girls g:hahahahahahyeahsadly none of them want

shes an owl. a geeky owl

2009-07-30T00:00:00.003+12:00

post-osces and exams; by right i should be the happiest girl right now prancing around in my room (wtf? haha) but no.. not a chance. no sirreee. not for this master of procrastination. of course i have to leave all of my assignments to the last minute to finish. argh. i never learnt from my past am i? tonight ive just started doing every single work that i have to pass up tomorrow, which includes

unreachable.

2009-07-27T17:15:00.009+12:00

ive been meaning to blog about this a long, long time ago but work and daily mundane tasks keep on pressing for my time, pulling my attention away until the whole thing just slipped off my mind. ive been seeking for the answer of this one notion that kept on playing and replaying on my mind early this year, "how do you reach out for someone who doesnt hold her hands out to you?", only to no avail

week 4

2009-07-21T11:50:00.007+12:00

i had been feeling homesick lately. it all came about one foggy night and i dreamt that i was going back to bruland again. i could still distinctly remembered how i giddily packed my suitcase in that dream, thinking how i was going to surprise my family again of my comeback. i was all excited only to open my eyes the next moment to see my green curtains right across the room and harsh sunlight

>.<

2009-07-13T15:24:00.001+12:00

i want to go home.

bugs

2009-07-13T00:57:00.002+12:00

do you know what learning medicine is all about? it is all about the test of endurance. ive learnt of this the other day as a mother shoved her coughing child into my lap for examination, coughing and sneezing deliriously away as i silently prayed that my recovering immune system would be strong enough to fight off yet another potential infection. i had been sick the days following my first

tired.

2009-07-10T00:02:00.003+12:00

chapped lips. thudding headache. ah.. dehydrated and drained. super long day today, it felt like it was a lifetime ago that i sat for my biochem exam, when actually, it was just this afternoon. Stayed around for my paeds oncall again - saw a couple of patients before a nice registrar told me to call it a day just ten minutes before 11 pm. Thank you so much. M freaking tired! ive been thinking

weather-beaten.

2009-07-05T15:31:00.004+12:00

First weekend of my current run. Had my acutes/oncall last night at Child Assessment Centre. Busy night with majority of kids turning up with flu-like symptoms. M not surprised - its winter and bugs are busy attacking innocent victims. M starting to feel under the weather too. Having sore throat which makes swallowing rather unpleasant accompanied by persistent dry coughs. Today, I am starting

resume.

2009-07-02T18:56:00.009+12:00

m not sure just how many people still read this blog.. but anyway, am now back in kiwi land. left brunei last saturday and i remembered crying in my sister's arms just moments before i stepped into the departure hall. i didnt know what was so different about my departure this time, but i remembered feeling all freaked out and heavy hearted - as if that was my first time being abroad. i guess it

fallen.

2009-06-08T20:11:00.003+12:00

a few years ago, i fell. but in the end, i flopped and toppled back to where i was started. that story had an end. an end and burnt marks. a few months ago, i fell again. however, this time around, i managed not to get scratch marks on my knees. i searched for the absence of bruises, i searched for answers. as quickly as this story unfolded, i still couldnt see where this story is going. can

slacker me.

2009-06-05T11:42:00.001+12:00

It was one cold frosty morning when Idecided to give in to the temptation. Flicked my ringing mobile phone alarm off and squeezed my eyes tight. I remember thinking in my mind that I didnt want to wake up and face another day of mundane tasks at the birthing suite. Sleeping was blissful and I woke up at half past nine, wayyy past the time that I was supposed to report to the suite for my oncall

-_____-"

2009-06-01T22:46:00.003+12:00

just a quick update to show that m still alive and breathing despite being completely buried under workloads and presentations lately. Argh!! i hate obs and gynae!!! - onto my fourth week of the attachment now and so far, there is absolutely nothing that i like about this attachment. fourth week and m still wondering what ive learnt so far. very minimal increment in my medical knowledge despite

crushed.

2009-05-26T22:55:00.003+12:00

i thought i have everything sorted out. but i actually hadnt. m tired of this. this bullshit, lies and cries. m tired of this. seeking for answers when there are none.n yet. i seek of that. reason. answer. anything.

reach.

2009-05-10T23:07:00.005+12:00

silence of the night envelope me as i type this out, punctuated only by the incessant tapping of my fingers against the keyboard. this silence is suffocating, and yet, it is better than those moments whereby i sit idly pressing my ear to the phone, to piercing tone of endless ringing tones. those moments are becoming more and more frequent these days, believe it or not. those moments of

the good ones.

2009-05-10T13:27:00.011+12:00

End of cruisy selective week. boo. =( this week had been great fun! went out to theatre royal few nights ago with some friends to watch miss saigon. a wonderful musical play centred on the epic love story between an orphaned vietnamese bar girl with an american army. the sets throughout the play were spectacular, from the hustle bustle of sleazy Dreamland streets to the rumbles of helicopter

daisies

2009-05-05T22:16:00.007+12:00

there are times when i love being here and there are times when i wish i am not here and that i am back at home, everyday, surrounded by people i see and love. of course the previous line only comes off like another line of whine coming from me. but the truth is, sometimes, i miss seeing dear familiar faces; talking to cousins, meeting aunties and uncles, hugging my grandma again, leaning on my

breaks

2009-04-29T23:28:00.005+12:00

seriously? i dont think ill ever be an ENT specialist. doesnt look pretty, does it? (my dearest brother, chi, more reasons for you to stop smoking!!) ===========================================================so, here i am again, sleep deprived fueled by coffee, cramming my tired brain with more and more clever facts, so that i could sound clever by this friday and write down clever answers. so

blink

2009-04-22T20:04:00.007+12:00

just came back from ACE evening - which was basically an interactive forum on how to apply for housesurgeon jobs in new zealand. oh how fast the time flies.. this is already my fifth year over here. IF everything goes smoothly, maybe around the same time next year, it will be my turn to stress out and compile my cv, chase out referees and fill in my applications to find a job.. just like an adult

sweeeeeeeetttt!!!

2009-04-21T19:50:00.002+12:00

to my dearest over-worked, over-stressed colleagues... guess who has all her tutorials cancelled tomorrow??guess who doesnt have to go to theatre tomorrow?? (because..*ahem*.. she has been so diligent attending her theatre earlier on during this attachment) and. best of all, guess who has the day off tomorrow????? YaY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ehehehe. Having a day off is such a rarity - its like finding a

dunny yay!!

2009-04-18T16:13:00.012+12:00

ive had a good relaxing easter break.. indulging, relaxing, calming and almost carefree.. i went to dunedin last weekend to see my two best friends. after stressful weeks doing my MSK and now, neuro attachments, ive had just about enough of studying and decided to run away to dunedin for a few days. it felt really comforting to leave behind my case notes, my trusty steths and other equipments and

moment

2009-04-05T12:02:00.002+12:00

you may not know this, but last week, the world stopped spinning on its axis. seconds stopped and that one moment just stretched, pregnant with possibilities. the precedented weeks flashed in my mind; i sitting at the back row in leinster room fighting to stay awake, i puzzling over radiographic images trying to make the heads and tails of them, i scrubbing in theatres marvelling at the brutality

walk away.

2009-03-21T23:24:00.005+13:00

'why no more blog posts from you? uplate lar' -.-" the truth is, i've been laying low since that fateful thursday morning after i effectively, single-handedly screwed up my osces. i remembered the walk from the hospital back to my place, the twenty minutes painful walk as i trudged absentmindedly, dragging my heavy heart along. yards and yards of disappointment in each step that i took, weighing

coffeebreak.

2009-03-07T11:58:00.007+13:00

So, my alarm went off at 8.40am this morning, jarringly reminding me that I still have tons of things to do. Oh hell who cares I thought, and went back to sleep only to wake up an hour later by the incessant beeping of my phone. Ah.. Saturday morning..Next week, I have my fourth and final case write-up due. I have seen my patient once before her surgery the day before yesterday, and although

summer-ish.

2009-03-01T22:55:00.004+13:00

I am becoming less and less active in updating this blog, even though time and time again, I yearn to blog before those moments are lost and forever forgotten in my mind. I want to tell each and every story that's happening around here, those little stories but somehow, I could never find the time to actually sit down and compose anything in-between my homeworks and tasks. Like, today, I want

Everyday is monday.

2009-02-21T11:23:00.005+13:00

So, its monday again. It has been monday after monday after monday since I've arrived back in New Zealand. It is like I am perpetually stuck on mondays everyday - even though, when you reallyyy wanted to get pedantic, it has only been three mondays since I've been here. It felt like it has been a lifetime ago that I was so carefree in Brunei during summer and yet, at the same time, it felt like I

fast backward. please.

2009-02-08T21:03:00.002+13:00

wait for me, i plead. there are still so many things i want to see and do. you know that shop that i passed by yesterday afternoon - the one that has big sales signs plastered all over its big glass window? it was chanting my name yesterday but i didnt stop, i couldnt.. not, if you dont wait for me. and you know how i just love to sleep in on sundays? and yet today, i couldnt.. because i know you

social networking.

2009-01-28T18:10:00.008+13:00

It has been more than a week since I’ve arrived in Brunei. The conference in KL had been pretty awesome – I’d say the organizing committee especially the fellows from monash really did a good job in organizing a big event like this; as 300 medical students gathered from across 20 nations. Our schedule was pretty compact as we rushed from places to places, finishing tasks in a sleep deprived state

over so soon?

2009-01-11T17:10:00.004+13:00

Last night was the grand finale of the 2009 East Asian Medical Students' Conference. The Cultural Night was superb except for a flushed moment when I was pulled to the stage by my Cambodian friend to dance with him in front of everyone. I suck at dancing =( Haha. The last few days had flied by so fast.. I couldnt believe that it's really over. Sigh. Ive met a lot of wonderful people.. and it is

stealing time

2009-01-10T19:11:00.002+13:00

here i am typing this furiously in the computer lab in monash. oh hello everybody, yes, i am at monash, a sea away from Brunei. =) i am enjoying this conference so far, albeit time is, believe me, really limited. i have hundreds hours of things to do in 24 hour period each day. i am a freaking zombie by today, but really, i believe i am having fun. later

here it is ...

2008-12-31T21:31:00.007+13:00

I had left 2007 full of apprehension and anxiety early this year. I remembered about the same time last year, how scared I was to start the new year. I had feared moving and studying away from Dunedin, the city that I had grown to love for the past three years of my life. I had feared losing precious friendships that had developed in that city. I had asked myself million of times on why I had

happy times.

2008-12-25T01:55:00.003+13:00

Happy 12th Birthday to my little niece, izah. This, is the picture of us, taken today. oh kids sure grow up fast. @.@ M sleepy and freaking tired. Been out everyday lately.. and m getting rather cranky when I am sleep deprived. oh yes. >.<

My answer is fluid.

2008-12-23T05:10:00.003+13:00

I’ve been asked difficult questions lately. Questions pertaining my future and difficult grown-up things like that. It is sometimes funny how someone could throw these kinds of questions to me casually and expect me to answer them in an instant, as if I have all of my life-plans laid out nicely in my mind. As if I have psychic power to oversee my future and how I am going to live my life 10 years

Petrified

2008-12-16T21:38:00.003+13:00

So, I've been tagged by Rusy last week to do this meme. So, here goes.. GAME RULES:1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc on shuffle.2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.5. Tag 6 people.------------------------------------------------------------

Heat the Soul. =p

2008-12-09T03:49:00.002+13:00

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha.. I hope you have a good celebration. ^.^ p/s: postings resume sometime in the near future.. I am a bit preoccupied now with things *cough*bleach*cough* Yes.. I still play games. ;)

...

2008-12-04T05:43:00.006+13:00

The wind has knocked me out. As cliché as it sounds, it is actually as succinct as I can get. It is almost bizarre how one moment can change my perspectives and thoughts about things. It’s like that one moment or second, or maybe even one minute, I am seeing through the hidden truths that are previously immaculately tucked away at the back of my conscience. My heart skips a beat as the harsh beam

the last 2 days...

2008-12-03T03:31:00.004+13:00

Yay. I’ve just submitted my paper report! My few hours’ worth of researching and typing up a few thousand-words paper to be published for the upcoming medical students’ conference. Being the queen of procrastination I am, I’ve only started researching exactly 48 hours before the stated dateline. Heh. What can I say? Adrenaline rush is the best way to go to beat my laziness. =p Yesterday was the

storm in a teacup

2008-11-30T04:58:00.003+13:00

Confuzzled? Neologism, it is called. To describe the state of puzzlement and confusion. There are so many things that I chose to ignore lately, those things that I judged merely as storms in a teacup. However, uncannily, these were the storms that chose to blow out to its full magnificient presence, no longer confined by the shallow depth of a teacup. I was swept away by the very things I chose

Ha.

2008-11-21T02:52:00.003+13:00

Someone with a sole purpose to irk me seems to have a lot of free time in his hands and decides to make my life difficult by changing the language of my internet browser and some programs in my computer to malay. Ha.My net connection here doesnt leave much to be desired. It is not even a ghost of my speedy connection in Christchurch. Boo. I still have tons of files I need to download from the net

any moment now..

2008-11-05T08:45:00.002+13:00

nerves, calm yourselves down. I still dont know what to expect ever since that big glass door slide behind me. If I give you a net, would you catch that fluttering butterfly in my chest?

Last page.

2008-11-03T14:58:00.004+13:00

I was so used to that day being far away that when it finally came, it felt so surreal. Mr Peanut is leaving for Melbourne, maybe for good.. Last friday was the last day I saw him, he was more quiet than usual, it was weird. I wanted to ask him how he was, I wanted to tell him we would miss him, I wanted to say a lot of things, but I didnt and only briefly flashed him a warm smile. He was one of

M terrified.

2008-10-27T20:54:00.003+13:00

i want this week to be over. i want this week to be over soon. i want this week to be over soon with me sighing satisfactorily. i want this week to be over soon with me sighing satisfactorily at the end of this week. i want this week to be over soon with me sighing satisfactorily at the end of this week because i pass all of my exams. May Allah bless all of my efforts.

where is the hammer?

2008-10-23T21:27:00.005+13:00

I sat in the hall this afternoon, staring duly at the blank lined pages in front of me, "I knew these things" - I tried to convince myself, pleading with my brain cells to somehow conjure up answers out of thin air. The guy in front of me was writing furiously, writing paragraphs after paragraphs as if he had just memorized the whole of harrison textbook and is now a fully certified

roll out the dice.

2008-10-22T15:39:00.002+13:00

Tonight, should I go out partying at a friend's birthday bash or should I just stay at home studying for tomorrow's microb exam which I havent revised on? Sigh. Such a difficult decision to make - life is tough. (HAHA!). Its too cold in my room now, m going to step into the shower, put my thinking cap on while soaking in my strawberry body polish. You know what? I want to do my hair. That is all.

bitten (?beaten)

2008-10-15T15:48:00.004+13:00

i have a lot of things to say but I don’t really know where to begin. Some days, I feel like I am a snake, absconding my comfort zone when I should have known better. Sometimes I look forlornly at my discarded old skin, fighting this intense irresistible urge to writhe back into it. But I couldn’t, even if I try – it would no longer fit me, even though I ache for its familiarity. The world is

aint too bad.

2008-10-13T14:09:00.001+13:00

In my steadfast quest to learn everything I could possibly get my hands on last week, I had a wicked thursday. Last thursday could easily be the top of my list of worst days lived in christchurch despite the weather being surprisingly sunny and warm. On that day, Ive learnt to hate Murphy. Such deep was my contempt for ‘Murphy’ as I let out a curse or two. Damn you Murphy! If only you are this

busy bee

2008-10-03T16:22:00.008+13:00

I have one busy week - my first week in General Medicine. I am in GM2 and so far, I love everyone in my team. My reg has always made it a point to harass me with endless questions, asking me to interpret ECG results and setting me little tasks to do around the ward. Which is great - because theres nothing like being quizzed and pressured that drives one to study. We were on-call last tuesday. And

un.aware.

2008-09-28T17:48:00.009+13:00

Some things matter more than others even though at times there are things that masquerade as high-priority items when actually, they are not. Like getting myself unnecessarily worked up over issues that I could not change. I used to think that I could dive my paws into this and that and fix everything, even though I am miles away. But apparently, this voice isnt enough and I should have just

Envelope.

2008-09-28T14:39:00.002+13:00

Yesterday, amidst cooking and preparing for our sungkai gathering, I received a blu-tack. A special small blob of a blu-tack flown across the ocean, from Singapore. The aforementioned square blu-tack was skillfully (Ah-HA!) attached to a square card. Here's the picture of the card attached to my bedroom wall by the specially flown aforementioned blu-tack:- ;) This card now lives and sleeps just

Ramadhan in Christchurch.

2008-09-26T00:10:00.004+12:00

Alhamdulillah.. my first year of puasa in Christchurch, the 4th year of Ramadhan away from home. I have wanted to blog about this the other day - to describe how it is like to fast in here, this city - away from home, far from the Brunei Students Association, miles and miles away from close friends whom I used to break fast with the last three years back in Dunedin. Dunedin has always been close

Light.

2008-09-23T00:47:00.005+12:00

One month. Two months. Three months. I could have gotten a job as a time manager - as days and weeks and months flied by.. and never once a second ticked by without each moment etched into my consciousness. But, no. I had chosen to be the audience, a solitary figure as the story unfolded right before my eyes, right there from the center stage of my mind.I saw fleeting thoughts and quiet questions

hinge.

2008-09-22T17:39:00.005+12:00

Last week had been one freakingly hectic week. I emerged from that week scathed and burnt out, trudging weakly back to the one place I called my own - my room. I brushed the dirts off my pants, my keys dangling and fell to the floor, kicked my purple flats off and climbed to bed. Physically I was tired, deprived of sleep and the essential nutrients that I had been purging out to toilet bowl for