When I am too available, people take me for granted. Expecting me as an indispensable being, who never grow weary of constant rebuffing. Maybe they see me of having robotic manner who seem efficient but lack emotions. But guess what? You are wrong! Every single one of you.

I dont find it amusing to be ignored, almost seemingly insignifant in your lives in which I do not play a (physical) role in. And I dont find it funny either that I am only being sought only when you have questions to be answered, only when my so-called service is needed. And I definitely dont find it hilarious that my occassional emails are seen as tasks in which the act of replying (which is never more than 2 lines) are viewed as humongous effort. And do you think I laugh when you plainly stated that you do not want to chat with me? - when the strongest reason I will appear online in my msn is to chat with you, with any of you!!!!

And it is not humorous either when I called, I could hear the obvious exasperated sigh at the end of the line followed with the comment "balik balik jua telefon ani eh" and another looonngg sigh. Ouch. That chafe this heart a little - when this being is reduced to a mere disturbance to your perfect lives.
Yes. Maybe I am just too available - that my absence is almost un-missable. But is that reason enough to plainly rebuff me like that?

At a time when my motivation is plummeting, the least thing I need now is feeling unwanted.

Argh. Whatever lah!!!

Fine. So I am unwanted. So I am bothersome.

Fine.

That wont kill me. Whatever cant kill me makes me stronger. I live for my own anyway. And I shouldnt need to hear reassurance from anyone. I shouldnt depend too much on anyone. I will just tell myself I can do this, beat any obstacles that hinder my pathway on my own.

Bid me farewell. Will disappear for a while. No reason for me to be 'there' when I am not needed. I just wonder how long without any calls, sms, emails and virtual absence from the net world will my family realize that they have just tasted their own bitter medicine.

With love,
Your daughter and sister. =)
(even though I am 200% sure none of them check this blog anyway. boohoo)