" BAGHDAD - A suicide car bomber detonated his explosives-packed Mercedes near a row of stores in the Shiite militia stronghold of Sadr City on Saturday, killing at least 15 people, police and hospital officials said. " [link here]

Such a matter-of-factly statement.

But then again, something that is becoming more and more common occurrence in this so called modernised and civilised world - almost like a routine piece of news that came up every so often. Civilised hah?! Or is it barbaric? Savage killing of most often than not, the public, by a belligerent person - I dont see any couthness or of civilised nature of that brutal act (or any kinds of murders for that matter).

I felt disgusted by the news I read, I could almost taste the bitterness of it in my tongue. Suicide bombing detonation that is almost like a macabre show, a 'killing carnival' where one person actively annihilate a ride, killing off any non-suspecting individuals in the designated area. Ugh ugh ugh. Freaky - only it happens in reality and NOT in a big budget hollywood movie production where at least you could be assured that everything was part of a big show, a staged performance.

Very disturbing the more I thought about it. I wonder what drives a person to carry out such act anyway? Does one grow up with that aim in life - wait, is that even an ambition? Does a kid dream of becoming a suicide bomber one day and when the time comes, the dream comes true? And what is the motivation there? Is it knowing that one day, your death, will make the headlines of every page of world news of that particular day (unlike other thousands of deaths in the world that day who died quietly..). Such a twisted form of fame.

And I wonder how the person felt that day - Did he (or she. I am not being sexism here.) feel scared? Did he ever have moments of doubts or even a flicker of regret before committing that act? Or had the heart turned cold, ineffectual of anymore emotions - except possibly preposterous exhilaration, the absurd satisfied thought knowing that he had the power to end his own life as well as others surrounding him at that point in time.

Did the person bid farewell and ask for blessings from his parents that morning? Cuddled and kissed his children before abandoning them forever? What would be his breakfast that morning, healthy kiwi slices perhaps.. - knowing that would be his last meal? And did he choose his outfit carefully that day, tossing between selections of pants and shirts - but was he even aware that whatever he put on that day would be the last piece of clothing he wore in this planet?

And then, driving the car to the planned area - did he ever stop and watch the elderly woman across the road? Or kids playing tags, laughing jovially - not knowing that could possibly be the last day of their lives? Did he look at the faces for the last time, with his own face bearing no guilt?

Ah... I guess only Allah and the suicide bomber himself know the buzzing of thoughts in his mind and the flurry of activities around him that day - his last day gracing the earth. Wallahu'alam.