On a short break from the mundane task of revising again. My head is throbbing since this afternoon. Dehydrated? Maybe. Am not surprised, I do tend to get headaches around certain time of the month.. hrm.

Been very busy these 2 days. Heh. My schedule is pretty much compact this week. Each day, I arrive home tired, very tired. Pull myself together after a refreshing shower, but my mind could hardly concentrate after 10pm. My stack of notes still lay on the floor, barely touched. Each night spent debating on what to do, whether to revise previous modules for my approaching exams or do tutorial preparations or study anatomy for the upcoming ratrace or study for my cal test. Sometimes I just sit there, pondering on what to do, not knowing exactly what to do, mind too tired to really plan anything.

My weary mind vaguely remembered the goals I have set for myself - the revision regime that I have set out to do, that I have told myself to oblige, my own personal deadlines to revise each section of the modules - but everything remains a plan. I am way behind my own schedule, I know that. I am not please with that, but I am not too pissed off with myself either. Heh. Sometimes I do know that I tend to set too far-fetched plans - something that I know I could not complete.

Sometimes, I wonder, why do I force myself like this. Psyched myself out, setting myself into a fast paced revision mode when I know I do not have that time factor - to actually go through it. Then deriving guilt from that, coercing myself to sacrifice other things, with the help of my sidekick companion, a cuppa. And amidst sipping the bitter coffee, I sometimes wonder, why dont I go partying till late nights, like some smart kids in my class do but could still ace their papers? Why arent I blissfully sleeping now, at this time of the night that has already passed the witching hour?

I dont know. I dont know. I dont know ...
But actually I know.. I know why. Because these stressful things, these things that seemed to demand some sacrifices from my part, involve my future, my life, and will ultimately dictate what is going to happen in a few years time and thereafter. Sometimes, I just want to slack, play games all day, watch tv all day, read comics all day, but in the end, its commitment that matters the most. Ultimately, the obligations are the ones that will pull me through (God's Willing). Giving in to the temptations, deviating to the temporary hedonism, will not pay off in the long run.