Today, I woke up very early in the morning. Oh, actually, I didnt fall back to sleep, was studying religiously until it was 20 to 8 - and walked to Hospital for an early morning lecture. I was so chirpy and I didnt fall asleep. I didnt even yawn once. My 2 hour break following that stimulating lecture was spent very wisely, memoring half of a textbook and highlighting and rehighlighting notes. The efforts paid off very well, and my anatomy lab was such a breeze. Dissecting was so much fun when you knew everything; I think I put the smartest med geek in the class to shame.

Hah.
no no no no no no no.
The whole paragraph was dripping with lies. Hah. Sometimes sarcasm dont really work well in writings.

Actually, I woke up late today. Climbed back to bed after subuh, and consequently missed my 8 oclock lecture. Was quite frustrated about that; it is one thing to skip lectures if I was sick or too stressed out which happen at times, but it is another to not attend lectures when I was too blissfully sleeping. The former 2 are somewhat acceptable, the latter is just plain laziness. And the fact that I have had only 4 hours max of shut-eyes the night before is completely irrelevant here. Lazy. Pah!

The lab wasnt too bad actually. Had came relatively prepared (compared to my previous labs) - and even though I still found some things as mysterious as ever, the whole lab was quite alright, if I could pass through the nauseatic smell of the cadavers. One of the prosection actually smelt so bad, gross. -_____-" My group's cadaver had that strong smell of fats, very distinctive - even though the body was actually quite thin.
Hah. A body. BODY. It sound politically incorrect somehow, that body, that same one that we cut up, was used to be a human sometime ago. Someone's friend, someone's neighbour, someone's lover, someone's husband, someone's father and possibly someone's grandfather. Then, the time finally came for him to leave this world, became the deceased. And now, he lies there, the remain of his existence, a mutilated body in a big black bag. Hrm. I digress.

Actually, I lied in my previous post too. Unintentionally maybe. I wrote" to think happy thoughts =) ." Because when I said that, when I write that, when I type that, I want to make myself believe that I will.

But the previous few days, my self esteem hurt so much, hope became something almost unattainable. Optimism was so alien. Or maybe I was a martian landing on earth. Homesickness kicked in full mode. I just felt so terrible, I felt alone with my own tears, my family seemed so distant. Too distant. At one point, I wondered where were they?

But I forgot to ask myself, where am I?

Completely unaware, bitten by their (joking) rebuff which I didnt find funny sometime ago, I didnt realize how close to reclusive I became. They seemed unreachable, but so am I. My dead roomphone and my almost 24/7-switched off mobilephone were evidence just how stupidly antisocial I assert myself. I once thought that I only did this because I was too disappointed. And I felt so alone.

But by what? And for what? And who else am I disappointing in the end?

Today, I switched on my phone again, to message Diyana to get notes for me. Received one text from home, my dad. He said my mom wanted to call me. And so, she did. I miss home. I really do. I dont care whether I sound so kiddish and stupid. I felt homesick. And sometimes it is just great to know that I am being missed too. =)

Anyway, I feel better now. Alhamdullillah. And somehow, things here didnt seem too bleak after all. Look out world, happier me is here - no more emo-vampires suckling my blood, dispiriting me. InsyaAllah. =)