Sometimes, I wished that I had swallowed a dictionary before I got myself angry. Sometimes, I wished that I was the type of person who would rant madly when she was angry, exploding verbal diarrhoea to the other person who, again and again, managed to ire me. Sometimes, I wished that I was the type of person who would retort defensive comments with bucketful of anger instead of forgetting how to speak.

But most of the time, I wished that I wasnt even angry in the first place.

What went wrong all boiled down to communication and respect. Lack of. This time around, I wasnt even that surprised anymore. Maybe in my own subconscious mind, I had calculated for this to happen, too many times of sweet conversations just didnt seem to be natural. And when the arguments heated up, I swallowed all responses I had. They tasted bitter.

I remembered how I felt when he was still on his furious tirade mode, my heart stopped and spilled all over my desk, some bits fallen down on to the hard floor. oh what is the word I am looking for? Dismissed - a word so often used against me. Chauvinism came into mind too. And so was the phrase 'walked all over' that was shoveled underneath layers of flimsy defences and self-righteous pride. On many levels, I was angry. But when I got down to the core, I was even more hurt than anything else.

I slept with my hairs matted to my cheeks.