Checked my fone, had one voicemail. Shrugged my shoulder, it could be just a reminder for my appointment tomorrow.. but as it turned out, it was my brother. boohoo. Listened intently to what he said, clutched my heart, my breath stopped. Minutes elapsed as I gave in to weeks worth of torrential tears. I coughed and sputtered the last of my tears and expelled a long, deep sigh. That was enough. Looked at myself in the mirror and practiced smiling perfectly. Dabbed some eyecream before someone commented that my eyes looked weird. I picked up my good spirit once again and ran downstairs to join the others for dinner.

This. Is. Pathetic.

I was the lucky girl remember? And yet, I was weeping rather pitifully just after I typed my last post. Ironic. Plus stupid. Foolish I was, to give in to stupid lamenting and homesickness. I felt like kicking myself.

These days.. I found myself the happiest when am surrounded by many happy people. Happiness and laughter are contagious I suppose. And that is much more equate to fun than getting all edgy and sad and pathetic and miserable alone. I became more afraid to be left alone; I didnt want to think of unhappy little thoughts like how I missed someones or how I havent stayed in touch with my dearest friends or how I regretted arguing with someone. I have a wall pasted with happy pictures and cards - sometimes I averted my glance and concentrated my mind on the beautiful blank wall next to it.

My flatmates say I am lucky. Ann says I am a furry ball of fun. My neighbour says I am full of smiles. Emo_robot says I am awesomely sufficient.. I say I am happy. Its time to soak up these sobs with a sponge of fun. No wonder people like parties and social gatherings and such, because deep down, most of us are just miserable old souls afraid of being left alone entertaining our own sad thoughts. Hrm.