There is sleep. Then there is the lack of it. In this heavy-lidded stupor and head-spinning terror, I need a few pops of panadols - just to ease the throbbing headaches that keep on pounding unrelentlessly against my skull. Zombified is the best description of my state right now and possibly, a night owl. Messed up bodyclock from the 3 day weekends is to blame. But despite this tiredness, I am experiencing a somewhat heightened state of consciousness. How ironic, how is that so huh?

As I sit here typing this away, my mind feels as clear as day. I get startled easily by the far away sound of a screeching car from one block away and the soft glow of the streetlight seems sharper and brighter. It is funny - it is almost like all of my sensory cells perked up at this hour, picking up even the slightest sensations.

I am just so aware of everything that is around me now. It is like a mindtrip. Something like in the movies where a guy is falling and he has visions of his life fleeting by in his mind - like still pictures playing in a projector, flashing every little bit of memory. I remember the first time I came over here, I remember my first day of studying here, I remember my first cup of coffee here, I remember my first meal in Cumbie, I remember my first winter experience, I remember my first time sitting for a uni exam, I remember my first trip; I remember a lot of first first firsts.

Beads of perspiration are slowly forming from the edge of my forehead, despite the fact that my room is getting cold. I have always wondered about perspiration - where do they come from anyway? And why now, why when is it cold? My heart is fluttering, nervous? Hrm. Sometimes I wonder about ignorance. I wonder about stupidity. I wonder about so many things, and they just cling to me like sweat. And these thoughts wont just evaporate off. I so wish for a warmer place now.

So much I want to say right now. I dont even know where to begin. My weekends have been great.. so we had the mini outing yesterday for movie at the mall -shops were on sale but I didnt see anything that I like. Now, Ive just came back from my group dinner at Al's place. Then we walked to a hotel in the city for desserts - mine was too sweet though, I didnt like it. Hah. I have just read my previous sentence and I wonder, why is it that satisfaction seems to evade me these days?

I chatted with the robot again this weekend. A lot of thoughts invade my mind - ridiculous, frustration, cheerful, baffle, happy, upset. Stultify? or is it stupefy? Hrm. Understanding is such a powerful adjective now, and a verb. An important verb that Ive been looking for so long, I dont know why is it lost in the first place. That as well as that seven letter word begins with R that seems to be almost always forgotten. Yes. I am talking about respect.

It is quite tonight. I am going to bed now and close my eyes. I am wistful tonight arent I? I am growing up..