i know what i want and i know what i dont. there are things that do matter, things that dont matter and even things that eventually cease themselves to matter. i am starting to see that its tiring, that sense of dejavu is tugging me down and really, i dont need this. at last, it eventually boils down to sorting out my priorities - of whats important and whats not.

i have spent weeks upon weeks just fretting and getting upset and hurt over things that i thought i could not fix. i have spent countless days thinking of ways to understand of why people do what they do - why lie, why cheat, why the stupid fucked up reasons, why the relentless banter and running aways? you screw up then dont expect me to pick up your sorry ass, again and again. i am angry, even fleetingly so - but this anger just thuds on my skull, few hard pulses at the right upper corner of my head and then gone only to come back again after few pregnant moments.

some moments, i despair how i cant just bend down and fix these things with my own bare hands. but even moments later, i realize that i am just tired and i really dont want to delve anymore further. you see what m doing now? i am ignoring you - and i just cant believe the satisfaction i gain by clicking off my phone with you on the line. i am growing more and more deaf and blind to your incessant rings and messages - its called selective attention. ive decided what i want =)