Had an interesting discussion tonight with a couple of my close friends. On how easy people change under certain circumstances. Disappointing, maybe - but in the end, we agreed that just no matter how the person seem to change a lot, deep down inside the person is still the same person we used to know. Ironically, I have this same conversation with a friend some time ago, perhaps a couple of months ago.

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Remember I talked to you, recalling my disappointments on 'friends changing'? I kept on wailing over and over again, on how 'I don't know them anymore'. And you, so logically, reasoned with me. You said the person inner self has not really change and it is just a matter of me accepting the person the way they are. That no matter what happen, we are still friends. You convince me, people rarely truly change anyway. And at that time, I believe you. I think, I have trusted you enough to believe every single logical explanation and reasoning you feed me. Your words held very little doubts (if any) from me.

But you change. Why? I keep on telling myself, no, you did not. That I just interpreted things wrongly. Maybe there was something going on or whatever. I convinced myself of other possibilities, of difficulties that you might face. I pushed away thoughts that things have really changed. And no matter how hard I tried to look for the silver lining, the clouds are getting darker and darker. And no matter how much I tried to hold on to that glimmer of hope, my instinct realizes that its light is getting dimmer as each day passes.

I think I should not have believed in the first place, isn't it? Words are fickle, and so are humans. I should have learnt that. And I should not keep on hoping. Hoping for things that I could not reach. That I could not grasp. Dreaming, is that what I have been doing of late? Living in a fantasy, far-fetched world. Where words are sweet, emotions are sky high and trust is unquestionable.

Tonight, I realize just how much I really measure up. Perhaps, I have been aware of it sometime ago, but I have willingly pushed away the negative thoughts, far to the back of my mind. And to hold on to that one hope, is perhaps fruitless. And I really should learn to let go .... of your words.