What a day. -__-" Had presentations today from professors as well as students representatives from each school (Dunedin, Christchurch, Wellington) regarding class division for next year. Even though in my mind I have pretty much made my own decision, I thought I would just come along, just for the sake of it..

The presentations were quite entertaining to say the very least - what with the Deans of the various clinical schools and their entourage (devil's advocates, haha!) throwing wise cracks and banter galore at each other. The Wellington team actually resorted giving free t-shirts to students who can answer correctly to their pop quizzes (which surprise surprise! has 'wellington' as the answer to each and every question). One thing though, the Dean of Welly is very very cool - throwing wisecracks to other schools while holding a bottle of beer with one hand. haha! I personally thought he looked stoned! hahahahahahahah =p And I like Christchurch team presentation - the "Grey's Anatomy" and "Scrubs" movie clips - I say, Christchurch people has done a pretty good job of selling their school, and the information booklet on the school quickly runs out at the end of the presentations. Oh yeah, since I have mentioned about the other 2 schools, I guess it is only fair if I mentioned about Dunedin team's presentation. Actually, their presentation is pretty bland, being out-shone by the other 2 schools. The skits are pretty dry, except maybe the interesting part where the Associate Dean sang along to this song with another professor plucking the guitar, haha!

While of course enjoying the presentations, I could not help having this gnawing feeling of hollowness, of something amiss, of ... ugh. I dont know. Before this, I have actually thought that this whole class division business is just so surreal, that it doesnt and wont happen, that the class will inevitably stay together and wont be separated until graduation times. Well, it is not like I am shocked by the separation, I have talked about it with friends and classmates alike, but.. I guess, I have always dismissed it to the back of my mind before I thought further onto it. And having the Deans talking in front of the class this afternoon, snapped back something at the back of my mind. "Oh My God! This IS real. And it is going to happen.." And I asked myself, am I ready?

The short and honest answer now is, NO. I cant really explained the feelings I have, sitting at the lecture theatre this afternoon, listening and watching the presentations. All sort of thoughts flashed into my mind. The excitement is there, to start a new phase of medical training next year (God's Willing) - and in a way, this decision made is a mild leapstone for professional development that I will have to eventually acquire. And yet, there are other strange feelings too. That I am scared. I feel like a little girl, just wanting to throw a tantrum or cried endlessly when something undesirable such as an unwelcome change comes into her life - but of course that's silly. And I blinked back my tears.

Dunedin has been almost a home now, after spending most of my 2 and half years here. After a while, I begin to love the city, the convenience of it, the friendliness of the people, the beautiful sceneries. I know, I am going to miss the times I spent sitting at Anzac Square garden, under the nightsky - and what a calm effect that has on me when I feel 'suffocated'. And I know I will miss the sweet whiff coming from Cadbury each time I passed by. I know I will miss George street itself. I know I will miss Cumberland Hall dearly - my first 'home' in New Zealand. And where special friendships developed...

Friends, I will miss you. Walking back from Gowland after the presentations, I asked myself, why do I want to leave Dunedin? My best friends will still be here next year. I realize that I wont be able to see much of Sharon, Mizah and Saidah for the years to come.
Mizah, you have given me a lot of support all these years, pushing me to work hard when I doubt myself. Giving me the much needed advice when I am confused about making choices. Having the fun little talks that we both enjoyed. What will happen next year? And the subsequent years?
Saidah, you are the only one among 8 of us whom I really know for .. 10 years? That has gone a long way.. Of course during MS years, we were barely more than just classmates or just 'someone I've seen around school'. But the times spent in NZ, makes me learn more about you and makes us closer. You are a strong person - in more ways than one. And I've begun to trust you more and more as days passed by..
Sharon, 'evolve' from being my 'water partner' back in cumbie years. My entourage in caffeine addiction. My sidekick in roaming New World / Countdown at any hours of the day/night. Sharing lame jokes and lousy principles - just having fun. You are my good friend here, you know that - I hope nothing will ever change that.
And I thought of Diyana - who will be heading up north (God's Willing) to Wellington. We have made our own choices, and even though separation hurts, it is perhaps for the best. But I cant help feeling that I will miss her terribly too. We had many great times together..

Oh sh*t. Why does this have to occur? Why do we have to meet when we have to separate - sorta cliche, I know. But doesnt it hurt? It does. And it is only now that I could feel the impact of my decision. And I could not help wondering - if this is the best decision for me, why am I left feeling all crappy and miserable? Why do tears have to fall, and I can assure you that they are not tears of merriness. Why do I feel like I am not ready yet, but forced to 'be mature and make decision and tried not to bawl over it'? It's a mixed feeling. ugh.

Friends, hug me, love me, dont forget me when I leave one day.. Dont severe our ties..