The past few days, I learnt that loneliness is relative. Heck, it is subjective. To say that I was feeling lonely floating in the sea of faces I met sound weird, since I was never left physically alone. On the other hand, the whole meeting and racking up my brain to think of a decent conversation was a pretty taxing task to do.

I’ve just came back from my maternal grandma’s place. Great to meet my grandma again. Ive missed her so. Every year, visiting her place became one of the highlights of my summer (which I missed last year). Her small frail frame and yet she pulled herself together to walk me to the door, her tiny smile as if trying to deceive her watery eyes. Already I am missing her, and it will be hundreds of days again before I see her again (God Willing). Alhamdullillah.. she looks good. Just pray to Allah that she will always be in great health. Amiin.

Met relatives (from mother’s side) during my stay there. Cousins that I knew existed and yet never really got to know. Cousins that I vaguely knew their names, let alone knowing their faces. Cousins that I constantly tire my brain to think of things to say, a common ground to talk about, something that will help us to get to know each other better… an effort that I shouldn’t have actually been bothered about since all I received was a curt hi. Heh. Awesome companions…

Anyway, I visited my late paternal grandparents’ house. The place that I haven’t been to for more than 10 years. Ive had a fond childhood memory playing tag with my (paternal) cousins and brother before our grandma called us up. It had that ‘kampong’ feel.. clean lush green lawn, cool air, melodic birds chirping. It has never occurred in my mind before that such clean beautiful place would one day be tainted and destroyed before our eyes. Something stirred in my heart seeing the cluttering of rubbish, the ever approaching jungle eating their way into the compound, grass growing so tall replacing all the flowers that once dotted my grandma’s garden.. everything was just different.. the land, the house, everything!! Gone were the mango trees that never fail to bear fruits to please our palate, our special play ground.. Ugh. I stared at the ruins for a long time, devastation overwhelmed me. So did anger. Renting out the place to such irresponsible tenants was such a terrible mistake indeed. Ugh.

Anyway, now I am back in Brunei. Nice to be back.. back in my own place, own country. Heh. Nice to visit my grandma again too. =) Alhamdulillah.. at 86, she is still in good health. Everything else is just ok. Even though I felt heavy to leave, in a way I am feeling good too. I think I miss home too. And my room. Like I said before, loneliness is a relative matter. But now, I am back. Alhamdulillah. ^.^