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I saw a peg line insertion for the first time yesterday. Basically, it was a tube inserted directly through the skin and tissues to stomach, to feed nutrients to a patient. That bothered me – not the procedure, but actually seeing the patient.. That’s weird, when actually I have not even met the patient before.
Before we started, my GI consultant related to me on why the patient was there, quizzing me on the disease processes. I learnt that he had previous head injuries and spinal injuries from an accident. When the patient was finally wheeled into the room, his pale skin was too striking. I saw a crooked bruise near his left eyebrow.
“He’s 17.” – I didn’t realize that I said it out loud till my consultant looked up at me, puzzled. “No. he’s 36”
That bothered me.

He was sedated the whole time; so he didn’t see my impatient, tired consultant, he didn’t see the friendly smiles on the nurses and he didn’t see a med student with a troubled expression on her face either. I read his medical notes – trying to find more information about his accidents and injuries. But I couldn’t find any – he must have accumulated a number of files throughout the years. I asked my consultant about the specific history of this patient, but he didn’t know either. All I knew from his recent notes is that his condition has been declining the past few days, and no amount of cajoling could make him touch his food. The only thing he seemed to make an effort for during his stay in the ward is playing solitaire in his computer. That made me smile a bit.

Age 36. I have got a lot of personal goals before I reach that age. So many dreams and aspirations.. like building my career and hopefully, has finally figured out what I wanted to do at the end of this medical journey. And take care of my parents and grandma. And take my sister travelling and make her happy. And spoilt my nephews and nieces – seeing them growing up. And having little someones to call me ‘mom’. And having someone to love me for who I am. I wondered whether I asked too much when I saw that patient. That patient was just happy by playing his solitaire for hours. I wondered about his ambitions that he used to have. He must have some too. When he was younger. When he was 22. When he was my age. He didn’t know what was in store for him then. Now, his only aim is to have enough medications to make him relatively painfree, while playing solitaire.

Yesterday, I learnt that things can happen unexpectedly. Nothing in this world is permanent, everything has a time bomb that has the potential to explode anytime, anywhere.