The past couple of days, the sun never seem to rise at this side of the world. It seems like my world has always been nighttime. I open my eyes, it's night. I close my eyes, it's still nighttime. I take a long long shower, eat a packet of instant noodles and walk around the neighbourhood, it is still a freaking nighttime. I wonder, it is either I sleep too much or I sleep too little. Where oh where is the freaking sunshine? The whole world feels like a lucid hallucination at the moment or possibly even a dream.



Now, I feel how nice it would be to fall back to that sepia coloured world of the old days - of having breakfast before school started, of being driven to school without any worries of horrendous downpours outside, of meticulously picking out vegetables from my bowl of noodles and hiding them discreetly beside my plate, of seeking dad's reassurance over a stupid test, of running around with my nephews, of seeing my mom's face the last thing at night before I turned in, of spending endless hours reading archiecomics. But that seems like a life left behind, discarded alongside Enid Blyton books and little finger puppets - lost in the transition to immerse in a bigger adult world full of politics and tactics and paperworks. I lost track of when did the Snoopy section in the papers became a reprieve, when did food suddenly tasted like it was overloaded with salt, when did it matter to go out carrying a handbag?

Last night, I had just realized that I missed sending in a document to my course convenor. I got myself together after a couple of hours and sent in the required document over the net. Tonight, I had just gotten her response and no matter how fine the situation turned out to be, my relief was quickly washed out by bewilderment. I had never missed a deadline before, when did this start to happen? I closed my eyes and wished that I would tripped and fall, and upon brushing the dirts off my jeans I would wake up to that day of weeks ago when it wouldnt be too late to send in that form. But no, I didnt trip or fall. I still open my eyes living in the world where clocks didnt rewind itself.

Sometimes at night I laid wide awake on my bed, tucked underneath my soft duvet, lost in a fanciful time-travelling fantasy. I answered my own 'what if' questions by imagining one scene after another, trying to revamp every other mistake and imperfections that I made over the years. But the more I indulge myself into this fantasy, the greedier I got and I never seemed to draw where the fullstop should be - because I felt like I could do and re-do my life a whole lot better. Shameful, isnt it?
I guess it is really a good thing that we dont have the ability to turn back the time. We are only supposed to live our life once without any regrets. No regrets at all. Right now, I want mine to be a motley of colours, lots of colourful printed socks, iced-mocha moments, semi-intellectual discussions with someone I recently became too fond of, giggling and having sweet times with friends and swarming in cheesecakes and chocolate biscuits.