Last night, I fed on chillies and bitter bile again and once again, stinging tears streamed down my cheeks. I stifled my sob, praying that the thin wall dividing Nisa's and my rooms would be enough to conceal my cries. I didnt understand, I really didnt as my eyes scanned through the page of our vapid conversation; which somehow turned into horrendous verbal attack of a person to another. I cried even though the person couldnt see me. My fingers trembled as I typed in my replies. I was lost in my own so-called thoughts that in the end I didnt even know what to think anymore. After a quick chat with Saidah though, I switched off the light and will myself to sleep - even though it was only after hours of mulling in the dark that I finally dozed off.

I woke up late again. Then, my patient called me up saying that she had to cancel our appointment. I went to the mall again with my flatmate to take my mind off things. And when a friend asked me to go to the hiphop dance class, I immediately jumped on the offer. I thought, by jumping and dancing around these things running in my mind would somehow evaporate themselves off. But unfortunately, they didnt as my sitting here typing this away is a testimony of that.

It hurts. And I dont even know what it is, and what makes it hurting in the first place.