One month. Two months. Three months. I could have gotten a job as a time manager - as days and weeks and months flied by.. and never once a second ticked by without each moment etched into my consciousness. But, no. I had chosen to be the audience, a solitary figure as the story unfolded right before my eyes, right there from the center stage of my mind.

I saw fleeting thoughts and quiet questions. I saw shadows of emotions but never mind those feelings, everything else was dark and meaningless, incomprehensible outside the bright spotlight of my understanding. Showered in the limelight were my ruminations - of the where you were and the whys I had this gnawing feeling at the pit of my stomach. There was this dancing justification emerging into the center of stage, shamelessly wearing a fluorescent pink gown and spoke with a loud audacity that of course I was only being a friend.

Suddenly, I heard applause even though I was supposed to be alone in my mind's theater. The applause was echoing so loud around me but I didn't feel like clapping my hands at this ... this masked reasoning basking in the spotlight. I looked past the centerstage to the back of my mind's theater - and saw this lone reason. It wasn't adorn with a lavish outfit and it shied away from the bright light - but I saw its existence sparkling as if it was diamonds-studded. It sat quietly staring back at me - and I knew that this reason was genuine.

I thought I had finally found my reason - of why I tirelessly felt and did what I did. Of silly arguments and hurting, of quelled frustration and childish probes, of getting irritated and missing, of feeling triumphant and bitter. It had dawned on me as I stared blankly from my seat two rows from the center stage - I had wanted to yell loudly and grasped that reason at the back of the stage but I couldn't. I wonder, has the curtains been closing on me?

Screw the bashful awkwardness and I just wanted my echoing question answered. That Lounge Morning melody stirred me and I wanted to let out my rage in-between stifled sobs that you absolutely have no rights to make me feel like this and then play the hide-and-seek game. But I couldn't hear myself think and string two words together with you ringing loudly in my ears and in my heart this way.