Last week had been one freakingly hectic week. I emerged from that week scathed and burnt out, trudging weakly back to the one place I called my own - my room. I brushed the dirts off my pants, my keys dangling and fell to the floor, kicked my purple flats off and climbed to bed. Physically I was tired, deprived of sleep and the essential nutrients that I had been purging out to toilet bowl for days. But mentally, I was even more drained. Clearly, starting my project 5 days before the big presentation was not an ideallic idea - something that I only learnt oh too late. Torrential tears and painstaking efforts later - I barely managed to scrape through the osces and assignments. As predicted, written exam was difficult .. but luckily was not impossible. If I have a choice, I wouldnt want to live through last week again.

There were my moments of weakness that I just couldnt stop my tears from flowing, that preceded by mountains of frustrations. I hated how I felt back then - it was layers of self-doubts and creamy frustrations topped with the nagging feeling of unknowing. Ah the uncertainties and the fear - fear of failing and blighting hopes, uncertain of what would happen on the day of the osces and exam, doubting that I actually have the fund of knowledge to at least, sound clever and come up with clever answers. I was a zombie with a mind fixated on the physiology of the heart and the lungs. I was a panicking med student hunting for patients with 'good signs' in the various wards. I was a helpless someone who more often than not felt like kicking herself over and over again for still not knowing how to differentiate between the different sounds of heart murmurs. But more importantly, I was that terrified little kid who stayed awake hours after turning off the light - on the brink of insomnia by my own anxiety and tempted to just wash my hands off the whole difficult ordeal.

Flatmates have been great. No. Actually, they were awesome. I walked downstairs one day to the aroma of Tomyum soup sizzling on the stove. Nisa had heard me saying how I wanted to have Tomyum for iftar - and one day we had spicy and sour seafood tomyum, just like how I loved it. I was happy. Miss A came from Ancestral bringing me a cup of the world's best drink - green apple bubble tea - and I couldnt be happier. I had been especially grateful for their help coaching me for my osces especially when I knew that each of them have their own assignments due on the same week. My colleagues/studymates, Ara and May had been awesome. Especially Ara.. I talked to her that one evening after my bedside feeling all helpless - and she had been there hanging on to my every word and feeding me with cups of motivation.



It would have been childish of me if I were to listen to that inner child's voice. Everything does has a price to pay - especially this thing called education that demands so much commitment from my part. But I know that, I am not truly alone. And that, is reasssuring to know. =)