three more nights in this cramped space, then il be back in christchurch. as much as ive enjoyed my time here, i am aching to be back in the familiar folds of brockworth place, with tv and wii and dvds and homecooked meals and unlimited broadband. but really, i can survive on junkfood and fruits and paying horrendous bill for my vodafone stick now - what i really am missing is them, company.

two weekends ago, i was talking to Zackkk c tamiiiilll - but i cut him off just as he excitedly told me about his holiday plans. 'i need to go' i replied curtly - i had a way of cutting him mid-sentences, mid-planning, mid-thoughts and swallowed all of his enthusiasm down. how selfish.. as i am now finding myself missing that conversation, weeks-too-late.

a few nights ago, i was chatting with sharon before she went off. few more weeks till i see you!! - i told her. i really want to see heaps of her. i really want to see heaps of saidah and mizah. the ironic thing is, for the past two years, when they were living just six hours from me, i had managed not to visit their place except on just one very short occassion. it is only now that they are currently not living and breathing on the same land that i am actually finding myself groping my way to seek. how silly of me to realize months-too-late.



staying here, some nights alone in this hospital accommodation, i miss my flatmates. i miss watching nisa's face screwed up when any of us encroach her personal space (just for the sake of it). i miss talking about clothes, shoes, boys and just about everything else with che. i miss listening to alina's sensible advice and thoughts. i miss hearing about syu's daily qualms and stories. i am longing to be in our heated living room, eating dinner watching tv singing off-keys gaming zumba-ing... and just having plain fun. how smart of me to realize this... before this year draws its curtains.



tonight, i had a long conversation with alfa, a friend that i had actually known for what? ten years? ten years is quite a bit of time to learn of someone's quirks. 'ive thought of you as my sister' but really, somewhere along the lines, i had actually grown tired of having childish quarrels, of finger pointing mistakes, of quelled frustrations of having to deal with cold shoulders. really, if i am like a sister, then we are turning into one dysfunctional family - and its no longer fun. sometimes, i really dont know how to deal with him. how stupid, took me years to notice that really, i didnt know him at all.

Hrm.

the point of this post is? just a wee reminder that sometimes, it takes a turn of event to peel open one's eyes.