Came online. You were not there - just as I had suspected. Disappointed - although, apprehended. Told myself its okay, although my mind, my heart, yearned for your words. To push me, to scold me, to give me my motivation back, to keep my feelings in check. But, I cant be too dependent. Not on a person anyway.

Coffee has been my friend. Perhaps, my main source of nutrient these days. Not that I am saying I am not eating, I do. Been taking vitamin C capsules too, so that should be okay I think, keep me in balance with the supposedly healthy good food I am supposed to consume. Great - I am taking care of myself so well. =)

Studying has been .. just so-so. I am not too sure anymore. I tried, I have really tried. Unfortunately, I cant work 24/7. Thats my greatest regret, that I just could not. I wish I could, but even actively blocking my adenosine receptors with caffeine has limitations. Curse the increasing adenosine that depresses my brain activity each passing minute of my wakeful hours. Sleeping has been the major setback against my own studying. Each night, I am afraid of closing my eyes. To give in to the exhaustion. To just rest and sleep. Because I feel guilty - each sleeping hour means more time lost on studying time.

Why oh why, dear old body, do you not understand that engulfing information at this stage is so critical for me? -__- Love me, and just allow me .... plz. <3